As we neared finalization of the sale of my parents’ home of 50+ years, I experienced a mixed bag of emotions. Upon reflection, this was not unexpected as most of the families we work with have similar experiences. However, because this was very personal, it was so much more impactful than I anticipated.

After all, this was my parents’ dream home. They saved for years, did without things they would have liked to have just so they could afford this brand-new house. I remember going with them (along with my younger brother) to look at several new homes. We gave our input—since at ages 11 and 6 we were so knowledgeable about such things! We visited every weekend while it was being built. We even did the finishing touches together, like painting our own rooms. Later, I helped my dad turn the basement into a family room.  I also hold the record for the most sideswipes of the shrubs in the front garden when backing down the driveway! Fortunately for us all, I never hit the mailbox or lamppost.  Eventually, dad widened the driveway which allowed me to go to the left instead of the right, saving his bushes! I moved out when I married and thus created a whole new pattern of visiting on a regular basis. My children knew the house as a place of celebration—as my grandson would say, “There is always cake!” So even though I spent the least amount of time actually living in the house, I have 50+ years of wonderful memories.

Going through everything was a truly emotional journey. It was important to me to be a good steward of my parents’ dreams and treasures which tugged hard on my heart. Sensibility sometimes went out the window. I found myself keeping things that I do not really need but for some reason I could not let go. I will eventually, when I am ready–perhaps.  Some things were set aside for family members. Other things I gladly disposed of and felt good that someone who really had a need of them will benefit. My parents were giving people and I am sure they would have been happy to know this.

My mother would also be thrilled that much of her fabric has been fashioned into many quilts by her church’s quilting team. (They have shared photos with us, which I greatly appreciate!) Other bits of fabric and sweatshirts/t-shirts I was able to sew into quilts for my brother, myself and the four grandchildren. Each quilt has a specific center piece for each person, representing a favorite vacation spot, a milestone in his or her life, or a shared special moment. It was a cathartic process for me and I hope has meaning for each recipient.

Removing the vestiges of my parents from the house, literally turning it from a home into a house, was difficult. There was so much to sift through, make decisions about, and puzzle over (along with some smiles and a lot of tears). And what does one do with old cards, letters and notes? Well, one reads them and laughs and smiles, through tears running down one’s face, that’s what one does! And while most people don’t keep cookbooks, there were some special ones with notes from not only my mother, but also her grandmother. They found a special home with my grandnephew who is studying culinary arts. My nieces are learning to sew, each now having one of my mom’s sewing machines. Mom would be happy to know that because sewing was a huge part of her life.

And then, when you come across things that you cannot figure out why anyone would have saved them, you laugh, remember their background, shake your head and make a choice – save, sell, donate or trash. Sometimes items moved from one pile to another seemingly on their own, but I admit that the save pile took over for a bit – with some boxes left for another day to be sorted.

I admit that those boxes ended up in my basement and need to be sorted, and they will—eventually, when I am ready. I want to look at those items—mostly photos–a little more closely first. But this whole process has brought me closer to the people my parents were before I knew them. And even though it was emotional, exhausting, challenging and at times frustrating, it was invaluable.